Good listening was seen as a cooperative conversation.Good listening was characterized by the creation of a safe environment in which issues and differences could be discussed openly. Good listeners made the other person feel supported and conveyed confidence in them. The best listeners made the conversation a positive experience for the other party, which doesn’t happen when the listener is passive (or, for that matter, critical!). Good listening included interactions that build a person’s self-esteem.Good listening was consistently seen as a two-way dialog, rather than a one-way “speaker versus hearer” interaction. Sitting there silently nodding does not provide sure evidence that a person is listening, but asking a good question tells the speaker the listener has not only heard what was said, but that they comprehended it well enough to want additional information. These questions gently challenge old assumptions, but do so in a constructive way. To the contrary, people perceive the best listeners to be those who periodically ask questions that promote discovery and insight. Good listening is much more than being silent while the other person talks.

We found some surprising conclusions, along with some qualities we expected to hear. With those results in hand we identified the differences between great and average listeners and analyzed the data to determine what characteristics their colleagues identified as the behaviors that made them outstanding listeners. We then compared the best listeners to the average of all other people in the data set and identified the 20 items showing the largest significant difference. We identified those who were perceived as being the most effective listeners (the top 5%). As part of this program, their coaching skills were assessed by others in 360-degree assessments. We analyzed data describing the behavior of 3,492 participants in a development program designed to help managers become better coaches. What you’re saying is…” However, recent research that we conducted suggests that these behaviors fall far short of describing good listening skills. In fact, much management advice on listening suggests doing these very things – encouraging listeners to remain quiet, nod and “mm-hmm” encouragingly, and then repeat back to the talker something like, “So, let me make sure I understand.

Being able to repeat what others have said, practically word-for-word.

Letting others know you’re listening through facial expressions and verbal sounds (“Mmm-hmm”).

In our experience, most people think good listening comes down to doing three things: People’s appraisal of their listening ability is much like their assessment of their driving skills, in that the great bulk of adults think they’re above average.

Even if it’s necessary, it never gets easier.Chances are you think you’re a good listener. Disclosing similar situations: “I was also conflicted about returning to work after the birth of my son.” “I had the responsibility of terminating some of my personnel, due to downsizing, over the last two years.Waiting to disclose your opinion: “Tell me more about your proposal to reorganize the department.” “Can you please provide some history for me regarding your relationship with your former business partner?”.Asking specific questions: “How long do you expect your hiring process to last?” “What is your average rate of staff turnover?”.Which aspect of his critique was most disturbing?” “It’s clear that the current situation is intolerable for you. Asking open-ended questions: “I can see that John's criticism was very upsetting to you.I appreciate your time in speaking to me.” Brief verbal affirmation: “I understand that you'd like more frequent feedback about your performance.” “Thank you.Paraphrasing: “So, you're saying that the uncertainty about who will be your new supervisor is creating stress for you.” “So, you think that we need to build up our social media marketing efforts.”.Demonstrating concern: “I'm eager to help I know you're going through some tough challenges.” “I know how hard a corporate restructuring can be.Building trust and establishing rapport: “Tell me what I can do to help.” “I was really impressed to read on your website how you donate 5% of each sale to charity.”.

Effective listening